A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons…
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
The world is your urinal.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Wrinkles add character.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
You can “do” your nails with a pocket knife.
You can open all your jars.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from having an elicit affair.
Your backside is never a factor in a job interview.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
Your last name stays put.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Your underwear cost $10 for a three-pack.
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